My 'Blurt' Prologue...

My story is a long one. Though, now that my life is on track- it feels like just that.
A Story. Maybe someone else's story? I don't know..
Who would have thought this would begin from trying to learn how to touch type?
This is where the idea of typing about my life, my story, on a screen begins.
Surely, by the time I have finished pouring my heart out onto a blank canvas, putting it into
words for someone other than me to understand, I should be able to type 60 words per minute and
my soul will be lighter. My head will be clearer. I will be complete...

Thursday, September 2, 2010

14) The Impossible...

I had honestly stopped dreaming of this event, thinking it would never be possible. There was too much hurt and anger. Hatred. Spite. They were consumed, driven by hoping nothing positive happened to the other person. Even wished of the other person being destroyed, for good. After so many years, the hatred and anger was like a bad storm with no end in sight. There was no possibility of reconciliation, there was too much irrepairable hurt.

Last week the most amazing thing happened... I can still barely believe it. My own pain was lifted. The book of hurt was closed.

It all started with a simple message. An extended hand, a moment that made the world shift in direction. Made a world of possibilities open... It's like any moment when someone steps out of whatever has been holding them back and says- Let's talk. Who would have thought it could open up so many possibilites and give somany people to peace to move on with their lives?

For over 8 years, my parents hated each other. There was no compromise. Getting them near each other was like lighting the fuse of a bomb. It was stupid of us to even try to get them to be civil for a birthday or special occasion. We eventually settled with for having "birthday weeks" because we had to do two or three different things for each birthday and christmas to please everyone.. but not anymore...

How can one random moment bring so much ease into so many peoples lives? It's like for 8 years, we have been walking around barefoot on shards of glass- tiptoe-ing waiting to; at any moment, a split second of not paying attention and dropping the ball briefly would cause us to cut ourselves to pieces. So Unpredictable.

So many years of confusion, of white lies and pacification. Just thinking about it all, my chest feels like there is a tonne of bricks crushing it. But now, a weight has been lifted. We can all truly move on.

My parents had dinner and spoke. Talked about what? Where the relationship failed? Whatever it was, they discussed it and closed the book of our past and opened a new book, starting at the beginning- writing a future. And just like that... I have my parents back.

Maybe the previous relationships were unsuccessful because neither could never truly move on. There was too much hurt and anger consuming them, leaving them unable to care for anyone new. Old ties that could never be broken, as though it couldn't happen until they could let go of the past and the life they had together. They could not be truly happy without each other- there was just still too much between them. It wasn't quite love... their hate consumed them in a similar matter though.

Last week, the let the floodgates open and there is now water under the bridge. It was a long time coming and something I never dreamed could possibly happen but they are now on speaking terms. The sensoring of conversations anybody had that either parent depending on who was the topic; is no longer bitter. Birthdays no longer have to be strained. My Brother can now have a 21st Party without having to chose between our families. For one night, they will be able to be in the same room without there being tension in the air...
I am so proud of them. Most of all, I am relieved. I can now look forward to my sons birthdays, Family Christmas'. The competition is over between them. We no longer have to choose. The peace is like silence... so soothing. So appreciated.... But leaving so much room for boisterous noise when you want it. The choice is finally ours.

I have my family back. I also have the people who came into my life when things were shit and I hope to keep them in my life forever. I don't have to pretend anymore. I don't need to be strong or take each day as it comes. I have all the people I could dream of in my life to share my worries and successes....
And just like that....
I am complete.

1 comment:

  1. Yay parents were never as bitter and as angry as yours but i still know the feeling when they can finally breath the same air always amazed me how you could go from loving someone so much to hating them so much you cringe to hear their name...but finally its all good again and i couldnt be happier for you!!