My 'Blurt' Prologue...

My story is a long one. Though, now that my life is on track- it feels like just that.
A Story. Maybe someone else's story? I don't know..
Who would have thought this would begin from trying to learn how to touch type?
This is where the idea of typing about my life, my story, on a screen begins.
Surely, by the time I have finished pouring my heart out onto a blank canvas, putting it into
words for someone other than me to understand, I should be able to type 60 words per minute and
my soul will be lighter. My head will be clearer. I will be complete...


Saturday, April 28, 2012

66) changing the way you think...

“Whatever you hold in your mind will tend to occur in your life. If you continue to believe as you have always believed, you will continue to act as you have always acted. If you continue to act as you have always acted, you will continue to get what you have always gotten. If you want different results in your life or your work, all you have to do is change your mind.”

Missing you could turn from pain to pleasure, if I knew you were missing me too. ~Author Unknown

Thursday, April 19, 2012

60) My plan

Be a good mum- do everything I can to give my boy a stable life with people around him who love and encourage him...
Study- Cert III and Diploma in Children's Services then Cert IV in Training and Assessment
Start a business or 2- Drug and Alcohol Screening Services and an RTO to teach everything I'm qualified in
Start enjoying life- buy a boat, go camping... and take my boy on a holiday... Do festivals! Have fun!
Go to uni- be a midwife
Make new friends and have fun with my old ones- Make some memories!
Be extraordinary- Try my hardest to be an inspiring and dedicated person, mother and friend...

Tuesday, April 17, 2012

59) :)

I need this!!! It could almost solve all my problems!! http://item.mobileweb.ebay.com.au/viewitem?itemId=130677363197

Sunday, April 15, 2012

56) Scarred for life...

54) Thank god for Celine

ONLY ONE ROAD
I'm looking back through the years
Down this highway
Memories, they all lead up to this one day
And many dreams lost along the way
Haunt me still
I guess they always will

When love was too much to bear
I just left it there
But here I stand face to face
With this heart of mine

Livin' without you I only fall behind
We had a love most people never find
All this time I never realized
And the courage I finally found
Has made me turn around

[Chorus]
There is only one road I'm walkin'
Only one lifetime one heart to guide me
[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/only-one-road-lyrics.html -]
Only one road I'm walkin'
But I'm gonna run back, I'm gonna run back
'Cause I need you right here
Beside me

I can still hear the song of your laughter
I can still taste the sorrow of your tears
We said goodbye but our hearts did not hear
Now my love there's nothing left to fear
With all my heart put me through
It leads me back to you

[Chorus]

[Chorus]

But I'm gonna run back, I'm gonna run back
'Cause I need you right here
Beside me



FOR YOU TO STILL LOVE ME
I understood all the words, I well understood, thanks
Reasonable and new, that's the way here
Things have changed, that flowers get fade
That the time before, was the time before
If all zap and tire, loves also go by

You must know

I'll go get your heart if you take it somewhere else
Even if in your dances others dance your hours
I'll go get your soul in the colds in the flames
I'll cast a spell on you for you to still love me

Shouldn't begin tease me touch me
Shouldn't give so much I don't know how to play
They say that today, they say others do so
I'm not the others
Before we attach to the other, before we spoil each other

I want you to know
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/for-you-to-still-love-me-lyrics.html]

I'll go get your heart if you take it somewhere else
Even if in your dances others dance your hours
I'll go get your soul in the colds in the flames
I'll cast a spell on you for you to still love me

I'll find languages to sing your praises
I'll make my luggage for infinite vintages
Magic spells from African priests
I'll say them without remorse for you to still love me

I'll name myself queen for you to hold me
I'll make myself new to let the fire restart
I'll become these others who give you pleasure
Your games will be ours if that's your wish
More brilliant more beautiful for another spark
I'll change myself into gold for you to still love me

DONT SAY GOODBYE
If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you

I'll never try to hold you back
I wouldn't try controlling you
If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you
And if there's something else that you're looking for
I'll be the first to help you try
[- From :http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/don_t-say-goodbye-lyrics.html -]
Believe me when I say
It's hard to say goodbye

I'll never try to hold you back
I wouldn't try controlling you
If it's what you want
It's what I want
I want what's best for you
And if there's something else that you're looking for
I'll be the first to help you try
TELL HIM
I'm scared, so afraid to show I care
Will he think me weak if I tremble when I speak?
Ooh, what if there's another one he's thinking of?
Maybe he's in love, I'd feel like a fool
Life can be so cruel, I don't know what to do

I've been there with my heart out in my hand
But what you must understand
You can't let the chance to love him pass you by

Tell him, tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper tender words so soft and sweet
I'll hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Touch him with the gentleness you feel inside, I feel it
Your love can't be denied, the truth will set you free
You'll have what's meant to be, all in time you'll see

Ooh, I love him, then show him
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/tell-him-lyrics.html )
Of that much I can be sure, hold him close to you
I don't think I could endure if I let him walk away
When I have so much to say

Tell him, tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper tender words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Love is light that surely glows
In the hearts of those who know
It's a steady flame that grows

Feed the fire with all the passion you can show
Tonight love will assume its place
This memory time cannot erase
Your faith will lead love where it has to go

Tell him, tell him that the sun and moon rise in his eyes
Reach out to him
And whisper, whisper words so soft and sweet
Hold him close to feel his heart beat
Love will be the gift you give yourself

Ooh, never let him go

I BELIEVE IN YOU
Lonely, the path you have chosen
A restless road, no turning back
One day you will find your light again
Don't you know, don't let go, be strong

Follow your heart, let your love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you
Follow your dreams, be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you cannot do
I believe, I believe, I believe in you

Tout seul, tu t'en iras tout seul
Coeur ouvert a l'univers
Poursuis ta quête sans regarder derrière
N'attends pas, que le jour se lève

Suis ton étoile Va jusqu'où ton rêve t'emporte
Un jour tu le toucheras
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/i-believe-in-you-lyrics.html )
Si tu crois, si tu crois, si tu crois en toi
Suis ta lumière n'éteins pas la flamme que tu portes
Au fonds de toi souviens-toi
Que je crois, que je crois, que je crois en toi

Someday I'll find you, someday you'll find me too
And when I hold you close I'll know that it's true

Follow your heart, let your love lead through the darkness
Back to a place you once knew
I believe, I believe, I believe in you
Follow your dreams, be yourself, an angel of kindness
There's nothing that you cannot do
I believe, I believe, I believe in you
I believe, I believe, I believe in you

THATS THE WAY IT IS
I can read your mind and I know your story
I see what you're going through
It's an uphill climb, and I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you

Don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see, if you stick together
You're gonna find a way, yeah

So don't surrender 'cause you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrow
'Cause love's gonna conquer it all, all

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you want it the most there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

That's the way it is
That's the way it is, babe
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is.

THINK TWICE
Don't think I can't feel there's something wrong
You've been the sweetest part of my life so long
I look in your eyes, there's a distant light
And you and I know there'll be a storm tonight
This is getting serious
Are you thinking 'bout you or us

Don't say what you're about to say
Look back before you leave my life
Be sure before you close that door
Before you roll those dice
Baby think twice

Baby think twice for the sake of our love, for the memory
For the fire and the faith that was you and me
Babe I know it ain't easy when your soul cries out for higher ground
'Cos when you're halfway up, you're always halfway down
[- From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/c/celine-dion-lyrics/think-twice-lyrics.html -]
But baby this is serious
Are you thinking 'bout you or us

Don't say what you're about to say
Look back before you leave my life
Be sure before you close that door
Before you roll those dice
Baby think twice

Baby this is serious
Are you thinking 'bout you or us

Don't say what you're about to say
Look back before you leave my life
Be sure before you close that door
Before you roll those dice

Don't do what you're about to do
My everything depends on you
And whatever it takes, I'll sacrifice
Before you roll those dice
Baby think twice

Saturday, April 14, 2012

53) Void

I have removed you. There is barely a trace that I ever shared my life with you. There are no pictures on the walls, or things of yours on the floor... There are only memories and the emptiness in my heart left. Now I will just create order in my life. Structure. Everything in its place. Keep busy. Leave myself without a second for me to think of what we had and what I have to learn to live without...
And I will

52) I love you...


51) Stage 6- Recovery...

We cannot seem to step apart without stepping on our own hearts... Every movement that takes things closer to the end of it all. Control. Who has the control of the situation? Who can be the most stubborn or self righteous? Words just getting miscontrewed for the sake of trying to pass the blame on to one another. Spite and frustration. Helplessness. Limbo. Continuously revisting each issue, each emotion, each time and trying to find some sense. To understand. To find peace....

You are in a bad place. I realise that you are worse off than me emotionally. I once had enought faith for the both of us, but now you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel. By walking away from me, you are walking away from my faith. I live by quotes and sayings, finding my strength in having a plan but believing it leads us to the next amazing thing no matter how much pain has to come first.

I AM broken hearted, and I AM a little angry and hurt that you can't give me another try. I have never betrayed you. I would never betray you....

I am terrified for you. I want to comfort you and make it alright again. I want you to believe in yourself. I am just collateral damage in your own self destruction. This was nothing that I did, and there is nothing more that I could have done.

BUT I WILL ALWAYS BE HERE FOR YOU... I would never turn you away if you were to come to me. I would support you through anything. No amount of time would ever go by that if you came to me- I would do anything for you. I just pray that you find the strength to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and channel your stubborness into a success. I never want to see you fail and know that you can make it through anything and are more than capable of achieving everything. You just need to believe in yourself.

I will never change who I am.... I know exactly who I want to be. I don't care that I begged you to take me back or that you have all the power and I have none. I love you and don't want to you to walk out of my life. There is a difference in retaliation and taking action. I was only doing what I felt you just weren't strong enough to do... I am just trying to put your decisions into action so that I can get through. I need a new plan and I can't make one without you in it- when I feel like there is still hope...

But, no matter what happens, or how you perceive my actions.....
I promise, I will never let you down.... I am ME and 'This Too Shall Pass'
XO

Thursday, April 12, 2012

50) Stage 5- Acceptance.... I am responsible for how I feel... :)

"A loving relationship is one in which the loved one is free to be himself - to laugh with me, but never at me; to cry with me, but never because of me; to love life, to love himself, to love being loved. Such a relationship is based upon freedom and can never grow in a jealous heart." ~ Leo F. Buscaglia

"People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges." ~ Joseph F. Newton Men

"Shared joy is a double joy; shared sorrow is half a sorrow." ~ Swedish Proverb

" You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." ~ Dr. Seuss

"To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world." ~ Unknown

"To dream anything that you want to dream. That's the beauty of the human mind. To do anything that you want to do. That is the strength of the human will. To trust yourself to test your limits. That is the courage to succeed."

"Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think."

"You largely constructed your depression. It wasn't given to you. Therefore, you can deconstruct it."  ~ Albert Ellis

“Measure yourself by your best moments, not by your worst. We are too prone to judge ourselves by our moments of despondency and depression.”  ~ Robert Johnson

"Every trial endured and weathered in the right spirit makes a soul nobler and stronger than it was before."  ~ James Buckham

"Enthusiasm is followed by disappointment and even depression, and then by renewed enthusiasm."  ~ Murray Gell-Mann

"Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."  ~ Dr. Seuss

“The very least you can do in your life is to figure out what you hope for. And the most you can do is live inside that hope. Not admire it from a distance but live right in it, under its roof.” ~ Barbara Kingsolver

“You've got to have hope. Without hope life is meaningless. Without hope life is meaning less and less.”  ~ Unknown Author

"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps life moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."  ~Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Most of the important things in the world have been accomplished by people who have kept on trying when there seemed to be no hope at all.”  ~ Dale Carnegie

“Hope is always available to us. When we feel defeated, we need only take a deep breath and say, "Yes," and hope will reappear.”  ~ Monroe Forester

“Hope is the power that gives us the power to step out and try.”  ~ Unknown Author

49) Loving me, loving you

I let people take me for granted constantly, never actually standing up for what I want or saying... No, I deserve better than this. I let people over step the boundaries and trust too easily. Even if that person has hurt and betrayed me in the past, I forgive and forget the moment they want to come into my life. I try not to hang onto too much resentment or hatred because I believe it destroys your soul...

 I guess I need to find that balance throughout my life to be the person I want to be but not set myself up for disappointment at the same time. I am always grasping that bit of hope that things will always turn out ok. I want to be a believer in life, luck and destiny. I want to make positive decisions and choices. At the end of it all, I want to know I have loved and lived life as genuinely and passionately as I could and impacted on as many people as I could too... I want to be remembered as someone who would do anything for you, you could go to for anything, that loved unconditionally and helped people to believe in themselves and believe in what was out there for them...

I layed in bed last night thinking... I could live forever as it is, just me and my boy. He could be my best friend and child too... I could give him all of my time and energy instead of having to juggle that by being in a relationship with someone else as well. I would be happy enough just having my little man... He is the most important thing in my life...

But then I thought... I will always be a Mum, but my son probably only needs me for another 15 years and then on and off throughout his life. What will that mean for me? I deserve to have someone love me and have a partner and best friend in someone else. It isn't fair to invest all of that responsibility onto my son either.

For me, I choose to be with the person I love, as well as be a Mum. That person has already made my life better for all this time and I want that for the rest of my life. I choose him, for me. I deserve to be loved by him and share my life with him, and then be everything I need to be for everyone else. He is the ying to my yang. He completes me.

I just hope he feels the same about me and realises it... Soon.

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

48) Just. Choose. Me.

I don't think I can keep my shit together for much longer... Just love me or let me go...

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

47) Who am I? What do I believe in? What do I love?

I am me.. I have no needs of my own. I believe in you. I love you. And I keep taking blow after blow... Rejected then hopeful then desperate then rejected.... I am desperate. Desperately in need to free myself from your love and my own dilusion of happily ever after.

46) In the name of love...

I feel hopeful. You can't seem to do what you need to do to make this breakup official. We love each other more than we ever imagined we would. It feels so right to be together. Is it possible that we can make it through this? You can't seem to walk away from me, but are you just using the fact that I would never ask you to go to your advantage? Are you getting the best of both worlds.... and I'm in it until I ask him to stay here with me? I feel like I need to ride it out, because having you in my life like this feels so right, like we could fix this and it be ok again. I keep thinking that I am hearing your keys in the door or waiting for my phone to ring... but yet I am here alone. I just want you here with me. Not because I am lonely without you here, but because we in love with each other. We deserve to be happy together. I have to give you the ultimatum soon though, I'm scared to ask in case you still don't choose me. You can have all of me, or none of me... and I deserve the chance to make you happy, like I would be if you were to walk back into my life for good.

Monday, April 9, 2012

45) Stage 4- Depression...Just you.....

I am wishing for a different life, when all I need is just this one... With you in it...

44) Even if it's a broken heart...

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in my heart)
i am never without it(anywhere i go you go,my dear)
and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)
i want no world for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows (here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Sunday, April 8, 2012

42) Faith..






41) Stage 3- Bargaining...This cannot be where it ends..

I don' feel like two people can love each other as much as we do, or find it so hard to walk away from and it not mean something... Tonight I begged you to try to see past your own doubts,  and just see where it goes. Apart, I feel like we don't have a chance, but together anything is possible...  I told you how much you meant to me, and offered you everything I have control to give and still you couldn't stay.

You would not budge, you cannot try again... you are leaving me.

Watching you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do... and it's not even finished with yet. There are so many more things to sort out and things to separate... 
I'm just feeling like I will never get over you and I don't even want to try...

I just want to wake up from this fucking nightmare...

I tried so hard to be brave, I wanted to show you that I could cope without you. Instead, I became a blubbering pathetic mess. I am normally a faithless person. I have made it through this before, but it is so different when I can't hate you. It's so hard when we clearly love each other so much... why can't you let your guard down and let me back in? We can grow from this and never look back. This could be our chance to start over.... 
I can't imagine a life without you.
We are best friends.
I love you.
You are a part of me.
Please, I can't say goodbye to you.

40) How?

Whenever I cried, he would always make me feel like he would change the world if he could- so it couldn't hurt me anymore. But now I’m crying and he's not here...

39) How will I make it without you?

I finally asked the question and didn't get the answer I was so desperately hoping for. I needed to know, I couldn't function anymore but now I have the answer, I cannot think past this very second. I don't want to start separating our lives and cutting my ties with you because then what will I have? I don't want to be strong, I'm tired of having to be strong all the time. I just want to fast forward to when this doesn't hurt anymore.

Our lives are so intertwined and I liked it like that. I felt like I was finally a part of something.
What if I never find this again?
I feel like I will miss you for every second of every minute for the rest of my life...
How can I say goodbye to you?

38) And then you finally realise it's over...

Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew.

No one can promise they’ll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end.

It's always the same in every relationship, there is always one person crying and wishing to get back together, while the other doesn't even remember the things they've been through.

I hate that I have to be the one who remembers every little detail while you can't seem to remember me at all.

It hurts to breathe because I know every breath I take proves I can live without you.

My life is about change. I change every day. I change my mind, and sometimes even my heart. But the one thing that will never change is the way I feel for you.The part that sucks about love is that you DO get to choose who you love, but you DON'T get to choose who loves you back.

I'd much rather be your lover than your friend, but I'd much rather be your friend than your nobody.Unknown

Maybe it was wrong, but throughout my life I will never regret loving him.Unknown

You don't know how hard it is to get over you when every time I see you my heart begins to smile.Unknown

After all this time you'd think that I wouldn't feel the same. But time melts into nothing and nothing's changed.Unknown

In a perfect world, when he's with her, he would be wishing he was with me; when he looked at her, he would be looking at me; when he smiled at her, his smile would be for me; when he thought about someone, he would be thinking about me. In a perfect world, he would realize that she wasn't the one he was supposed to be with and I would still be standing here waiting for him still when he finally knows this. But this isn't a perfect world and people do get hurt; you smile when you feel like crying; you act like you're okay when you're falling apart inside and you let it go. You move on, because there's nothing else you can do.Unknown

The only thing worse than a broken heart is knowing you would give him another chance.Unknown

I wish I had the guts to walk away and forget about what we had. But, I can't because I know you won't come after me, and I guess that's what hurts the most.Unknown

Just because somebody doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.Unknown

People can be more forgiving than you can imagine. But you have to forgive yourself. Let go of what's bitter and move on. - Bill Cosby

Saturday, April 7, 2012

37) Stage 2- Anger and It's time for action...

I have realised that I cannot let you do this to me anymore. You are important to me but I can't let myself journey any further down this path of disappointment, I need to start getting my life back together for my boy. I would have done anything to make you happy and would have not settled for anything less than seeing you happy... But you have had enough time and control over this situation. You are not even trying or meeting me half way.

You are someone I will always love but you have thrown it into my face and become a person I don't even know anymore... I know I still have the world to conquer and I will do it without you. There is so much that I want from this life, and I wanted it with you but I was never the one holding you back. You do that all on your own. I never stopped you from doing a single thing, or said no to you having anything you wanted. I only ever asked you to be honest with me and love me for me.

You didn't have to make me feel like this, or treat me like you never cared. I don't know if you were just trying to prove to yourself that you didn't care, and that I meant nothing. You had your chance to fix it, but every offer has an expiry.

I think I've given you enough time... I will miss you and it will alway hurt to hear about your life without me. I hope you find everything you are looking for and that someone can give you whatever it is you want...

I just wish so badly that that person was me Xoxo

36) My poor heart...

I thought your indifferent face had broken my heart... But your indifferent heart has shattered me beyond repair...

35) I just want to go home...

Somethin' in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life

If you knew how lonely my life has been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've done

It feels like home to me,
 it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back
where I come from
It feels like home to me,
 it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong

A window breaks, down a long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see, through the dark there is light

Well, if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much

It feels like home to me,
 it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I come from
It feels like home to me,
 it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
Lyrics from 'Feels like home'

Friday, April 6, 2012

34) Ouch...

I just saw that you were online, checking your Internet dating profile...
Yet you can't even send me a text to say hi or reply to my messages! I feel like you are betraying me... Like you can't break up with me but in your head you are single...

Would you do that to me? Could you betray me by telling me one thing but doing another? I am so confused. I can't stop thinking. Your doubts have opened up flood gates and now I'm so scared... I want to trust you but you aren't giving me what I need to do so...

How have you changed so much? This used to be so easy... Now my insides are in knots thinking about what you are doing right now. I need you to snap out of this and be the person I know and fix us before it's too late and we can't go back... I must love you too much to let you treat me like this... But then you could be doing exactly what you told me you were doing, and my insecurities are what inevitably destroys us...

Meanwhile, I'm wasting precious time with my boy... And it hurts that I can't control this enough to enjoy special time with him...

Please make this feeling go away!! Please set me free or commit to me again.... I need to stop this and be happy with what I do have, whatever that may be. At least I have my boy, I refuse to waste one more second of this time away thinking about this... I would never forgive myself...

Just like you won't when you realise how badly you are breaking my fucking heart...

33) I miss you...

I feel lonely and incomplete. My happiness is superficial. I can't stop thinking about you. When will this stop being so hard? I am not ready to say goodbye to you. We have so much to do together. The future seems so unclear when I think about being without you because I have spent so much time making plans with you. I know this is what I want from my life. There is noone else for me, you are everything I ever hoped to find in a person, partner and best friend... How can I change your mind? How can we fix this and go back to when we were happy? How can I help you feel the way you did about me before? I want to be happy again. I want to feel loved. I want you back in my life and not spend another second missing you...

Thursday, April 5, 2012

32) Breaking up or breaking point...

My life is spinning out of control. I can't stop it. I can't think straight. I can't do what I have to do if it continues like this. I know I don't deserve it. You are destroying me. I don't even know who I am anymore, I'm so confused and powerless. I still feel like your needs exceed my own but I don't know who to be or how to help you. You shut me out and it hurts so bad and then I can't be who you need me to be. I want to show you what you will lose if you don't stop this, but I'm not strong enough. I cant differentiate between positives and negatives anymore.

There is so much uncertainty... Im reading into every little things needing answers. Im losing my faith. I want you so much. I am becoming toxic too... I'm resenting the things that make you want to be aware from me, then hating myself for resenting something I love so much. I am out of control. Every time you leave you take a piece of me with you. Soon the person you love will be gone. The hurt will be too deep.

There will be no going back for us.... And There is no end in sight.... But I cannot go on like this... But why do I feel like either way I'm sacrificing my soul? To continue like this is not an option... To live my life without you, is also not an option....

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

31) My offering... Attraversiamo, which is Italian for "Let's cross over.”

This is everything I am. I will love you without reservations. I will forgive you for everything. I will wipe the slate clean. I will not bring up the past. I will not doubt who and what you are. I will not go to sleep angry. I will not say things that I don't mean. I will not let insecurities rise to the surface and get the better of me. I will understand and support you through anything. I will believe anything you tell me. I will defend you. I will love you more than I love myself.

I only ask you give me everything you are and give me your whole self.... and for you believe in yourself enough to come back through the door and back into our life without looking back.

Quote- One day you will ask me, what is more important to me... You or my life? and I will say 'my life'. And you will walk away without even realising that you are my life.....

30) I will never let you be somebody that I used to know...

Now and then I think of when we were together
Like when you said you felt so happy you could die
I told myself that you were right for me
But felt so lonely in your company
But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

You can get addicted to a certain kinda sadness
Like resignation to the end, always the end
So when we found that we could not make sense
Well you said that we would still be friends
But I'll admit that I was glad that it was over

But you didn't have to cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
And that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records
And then change your number
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over
But had me believin it was always something that I'd done

But I don't wanna live that way
Reading into every word you say
You said that you could let it go
And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know-oh-oh

But you didn't have cut me off
Make it like it never happened and that we were nothing (oh)
I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger
and that feels so rough

No, you didn't have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect you records
And then change your number (oh)
Guess that I don't need that though
Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Somebody that I used to know
Somebody (now your just somebody that I used to know)
That I used to know
Somebody that I used to know
Somebody (somebody) (now your just somebody that I used to know)
That I used to know

I used to know
That I used to know
I used to know
Somebody
Lyrics from Somebody I used to Know- Gotye

29) All for you..

Finally I figured out, but it took a long long time
And now there's a turnabout, Maybe cause I'm trying

There's been times, I'm so confused
All my roads, They lead to you
I just can't turn, And walk away...

It's hard to say, What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always, Be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do
Enough to prove, It's all for you

I thought I'd seen it all, 'Cause it's been a long long time
But then we'll trip and fall, Wondering if I'm blind

Rain comes pouring down (Pouring down)
Falling from blue skies (Falling from blue skies)
Words without a sound, Coming from your eyes

It's hard to say, What it is I see in you
Wonder if I'll always, Be with you
But words can't say, And I can't do
Enough to prove, It's all for you
Lyrics from All for you- Sister Hazel

28) You've got the love...

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need To see me through

Sometimes it seems that the going is just too rough
And things go wrong no matter what I do
Now and then it seems that life is just too much
But you've got the love I need to see me through

When food is gone you are my daily need
When friends are gone I know my savior's love is real
You know it's real
You've got the love

Time after time I think "Oh Lord what's the use?"
Time after time I think it's just no good
Sooner or later in life, the things you love you lose
But you've got the love I need to see me through

You got the love

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air
I know I can count on you
Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord I just don't care"
But you've got the love I need to see me through

27) Stuck like glue..

Absolutely no one who knows me better
No one that can make me feel so good
How did we stay so long together?
Everybody, everybody said we never would

And just when I
Start to think they're right
The love has died

There you go making my heart beat again
Heart beat again, heart beat again
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won't you do it, do it one time?

There you go pulling me right back in
Right back in, right back in
And I know I'm never letting this go
I'm stuck on you

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
You and me baby, we're stuck like glue
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
You and me baby, we're stuck like glue

Some days I don't feel like trying
Some days you know I wanna just give up

When it doesn't matter who's right
Fight about it all night
Had enough, you give me that look
I'm sorry baby let's make up

You do that thing that makes me laugh
And just like that

There you go making my heart beat again
Heart beat again, heart beat again
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won't you do it, do it one time?

There you go pulling me right back in
Right back in, right back in
And I know I'm never letting this go
I'm stuck on you

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
You and me baby, we're stuck like glue
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
You and me baby, we're stuck like glue
( From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/s/sugarland-lyrics/stuck-like-glue-lyrics.html )
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Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, you almost stay out
Two stuck together from the ATL out
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, feelin' kinda sick
Just a spoon full of sugar make it better real quick

I say, whoa-oh, whoa-oh, whatcha gonna do with that?
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, come on over here with that
Sugar sticky sweet stuff, come and give me that stuff
Everybody want some

Melodies that get stuck up in your head
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, up in your head
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, up in your head
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, up in your head

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh
Stuck like glue
You and me together, say it's all I wanna do

I said there you go making my heart beat again
Heart beat again, heart beat again
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won't you do it, do it one time?

There you go pulling me right back in
Right back in, right back in
And I know I'm never letting this go

There you go making my heart beat again
Heart beat again, heart beat again
There you go making me feel like a kid
Won't you do it, do it one time?

There you go pulling me right back in
Right back in, right back in
And I know I'm never letting this go
I'm stuck on you

Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
You and me baby, we're stuck like glue
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
You and me baby, we're stuck like glue
Whoa-oh, whoa-oh, stuck like glue
You and me baby, we're stuck like glue

Monday, April 2, 2012

26) Just for today...

JUST FOR TODAY, I will live through this day only. I will not brood about yesterday or obsess about tomorrow. I will not set far-reaching goals or try to overcome all of my problems at once. I know that I can do something for 24 hours that would overwhelm me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will be happy. I will not dwell on thoughts that depress me. If my mind fills with clouds, I will chase them away and fill it with sunshine.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will accept what is. I will face reality. I will correct those things I can correct and accept those I cannot.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will improve my mind. I will read something that requires effort, thought and concentration. I will not be a mental loafer.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will make a conscious effort to be aggreable. I will be kind and courteous to those who cross my path, and I'll not speak ill of others. I will improve my appearance, speak softly, and not interrupt when someone else is talking.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will refrain from improving anybody but myself.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will do something positive to improve my health. If I'm a smoker, I'll quit. If I am overweight, I will eat healthfully - if only just for today. And not only that, I will get off the couch and take a brisk walk, even if it's only around the block.
JUST FOR TODAY, I will gather the courage to do what is right and take responsibility for my own actions.