It has been such a long time since I made a post. I wonder if its because I am too busy, or that I have recently been far too lazy. On the plus side, after a month of not blogging I am still touch typing!! This post has a few thoughts I've had recently and may seem to not have a start and finish, but I will elaborate at a later stage.
It's been a really weird time for me since my last post....since then, I have felt unsettled but also content, disappointed but hopeful. I have had relationship milestones, lost a loved one, surgery for my baby boy, his 3rd birthday and also a wedding... After 1 year, I have made a friend in my new town!! In one month, I have looked for new jobs, looked for new houses, looked into my future... but revisited my past too. I've also been dead broke but finally seen first hand how money buys money...
I guess no matter how hard you try to forget, there is always someone who remembers and still suffers from the demons of their past. Apparently, time heals all wounds... but do they really? People continue to suffer with the hurt they experienced at times of their lives. I've learnt to just turn it off. Change my negative thoughts as quickly as I have them. I do believe peoples actions are knee jerk reactions to how them have coped with things in the past. I really want to explore this some more...
On the 18th of September 2010, my Great Grandma passed away at 91 years old. I hit our family, hard. Although she was an elderly woman, she never seemed frail. Always independent with her sneaky quirks, we had never actually considered the possibility that she might one day pass away. Now, I can barely believe that it has happened, or how it all happened, or the timing of how it happened either. The whole event was just one big shock. A month and a bit on, I still feel her all around me, so I don't miss her that much. Of course I MISS her, but I don't feel like she is really gone and I like it that way... I will post a poem that I read at her funeral later... Love you Grandma... 12.12.1918-18.9.2010
I was reading a book they other day about prayers and beliefs and being consumed during meditation by a 'higher power'. Now, I have nothing against religion or other peoples beliefs, but I have never felt that there is anything more out there but my own thoughts and feelings. It's never made me feel like its something I need to explore. I am pretty content with what is out there....
A huge thing that I am struggling with is the fact that I have built someone I love up, promising them the world and then letting them down. I promised someone its possible that they will be able to own a house and turns out, it can’t happen for some time. I feel like I've just set him up to fail. It made me wonder, is promising a man that anything is possible if you are together…. is that the same as promising a girl that one day (if she plays her cards right) her man will marry her? Hmmmm. Watch this space.
I guess one this I realise is, I'm just so lucky to have someone that I love, that loves me in return.... at least for now...
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