My 'Blurt' Prologue...

My story is a long one. Though, now that my life is on track- it feels like just that.
A Story. Maybe someone else's story? I don't know..
Who would have thought this would begin from trying to learn how to touch type?
This is where the idea of typing about my life, my story, on a screen begins.
Surely, by the time I have finished pouring my heart out onto a blank canvas, putting it into
words for someone other than me to understand, I should be able to type 60 words per minute and
my soul will be lighter. My head will be clearer. I will be complete...

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

7) Am I Marry-able?

I have never really believed in Marriage. I have never seen the significance of dedicating and saying out loud that you want to be with someone forever. I was too independent, always believed I was stronger and could be more successful on my own. The idea of marriage was like drinking a cold cup of vomit and just as vile and suffocating...

But then I found someone that I truly love...

I get up in the morning to make him breakfast so it's ready when he jumps out of the shower, I wash his clothes, make sure he has something nice to eat for lunch at work, find a way to get him the things he wants or needs, know where to find something that he has lost around the house,  thank him for the things he does and when he spends time with my boy, worry about whether he is truly happy with where life is going.... And wholly and completely love him like I've loved no other person before in my life. (apart from my son, but the love for a child is a different kind of love...)

This is paragraph about love hit home the other day because I realised that I feel IT.

"Love comes when you least expect it and when you are not looking for it. It explodes into your life, love day dreams consume your day and your thoughts, touching or coloring every part of your life and making it difficult to carry out more than routine tasks. I have experienced this "Falling in Love" kind of love. I have declared to myself that this is the one, declare that I will never take this perfect relationship for granted, my love will always be fresh for my wonderful amazing man who will always strive to please me and succeed. I have thankfully moved out of the falling stage.

Love kind of grows comfortable. It's still love, but it becomes comfortable. It grows deeper and stronger. Deeper than the love I had at the "Falling In" stage but maybe not so gasping for breath. I have seen older lovers grow into each other. They become like a matched pair. They start looking like each other and talking like each other too. Its like they have blended a bit of the other person into themselves." By Julie- Blogger

I also have stopped falling... I'm in love and loved. And yes, comfortable. And now I can only dream, of all the rest....

Then came the question- What makes you 'Marry-able?' And, is the definition of love different depending on whether you are a Man or a Woman?

Now, dont get me wrong. Marriage is not the most important thing to me. The question more relates to what qualifications as a woman, susie housewife, partner, friend and mother to make you 'Marry-able'? And is it reachable? Can a womans dream of marrying the man of her dreams and being with him for life be reached? And could he possibly want to spend the rest of HIS life with HER?

There is no question of committment in my relationship. He has shown committment and effort since the moment we met. We both fell, hard. As we head towards the one year mark and we start making decisions for our future together, I am more than happy with the direction we are heading. I think that buying properties together are a big committment and he is more than happy to move in that direction with me.

Stage one, Fall in love. Check. Stage two, make plans for the future. And then what? And in which order?

Love, Baby, Marriage House?
Love, House, Marriage, Baby?
Or just be happy where you are at and plod along for the next 10 years, just as long as you
are together ?
That's what matters, right?

I would be happy enough just to be with him. But in my heart of hearts, I'd love to be the one. It was never inportant to me before I was 'in love'. Being with him IS enough, I am so lucky to have found someone that makes me so happy. But when does the topic of Marriage stop being just a big joke? I can't say anything about anyone getting married, (which happens fairly frequently now that our friends are gradually getting engaged and planning weddings) without him raising his eyebrows and saying, "Baaaabe? You used to be cool!" Meaning, we agreed at the beginning. Marriage is for idiots.

Our opinion of marriage has most likely come from what we have grown up with and seen with our own families. We are both children of broken marriages and blended families. Vows that were taken and broken. Pieces of paper that were signed then destroyed. Dad's House, Mum's house. The competitions for best parent, the slandering- to think they were once in love?

Keeping in mind that there later has been relationships and marriages to follow that HAVE been successful... But now, am I just clutching at straws, trying to redeem the meaning of marriage? Maybe I am just a closet romantic, now that I am in love...?

I am only 22. Marriage for me is not a priority at all. I just want to know it is possible. That someone truly believes that I am the person they want to have a future with. That they, couldn't imagine being without me and don't want to be- for the rest of their life.

To hear words like these, or similar, meant just for me?

"Look, I guarantee there'll be tough times. I guarantee that at some time, one or both of us is gonna want to get out of this thing. But I also guarantee that if I don't ask you to be mine, I'll regret it for the rest of my life, because I know, in my heart, you're the only one for me."
Julia Roberts from Runaway Bride (Movie)

To me, committing to someone for life isn't as daunting as I once found it. I hope to never lose him, never be without him, never go to sleep and not wake up next to him. Is it really love, if he can't picture being with you for life? Is love really that different depending on whether you are male or female?

Because for the first time in my life, I feel like love could conquer all. It's not always sunshine and rainbows and times do get tough and you may not like each other very much, often. But it's worth it. I can't pinpoint at which stage in my life things became so amazing, but I know he has played a role in how perfect my life is...

I believe in happily ever after....

1 comment:

  1. I wrote that, aawwww, you quoted me. I have such a big head I will have to go back and read it all again. Kiss kiss.