My 'Blurt' Prologue...

My story is a long one. Though, now that my life is on track- it feels like just that.
A Story. Maybe someone else's story? I don't know..
Who would have thought this would begin from trying to learn how to touch type?
This is where the idea of typing about my life, my story, on a screen begins.
Surely, by the time I have finished pouring my heart out onto a blank canvas, putting it into
words for someone other than me to understand, I should be able to type 60 words per minute and
my soul will be lighter. My head will be clearer. I will be complete...

Sunday, April 8, 2012

41) Stage 3- Bargaining...This cannot be where it ends..

I don' feel like two people can love each other as much as we do, or find it so hard to walk away from and it not mean something... Tonight I begged you to try to see past your own doubts,  and just see where it goes. Apart, I feel like we don't have a chance, but together anything is possible...  I told you how much you meant to me, and offered you everything I have control to give and still you couldn't stay.

You would not budge, you cannot try again... you are leaving me.

Watching you go is the hardest thing I have ever had to do... and it's not even finished with yet. There are so many more things to sort out and things to separate... 
I'm just feeling like I will never get over you and I don't even want to try...

I just want to wake up from this fucking nightmare...

I tried so hard to be brave, I wanted to show you that I could cope without you. Instead, I became a blubbering pathetic mess. I am normally a faithless person. I have made it through this before, but it is so different when I can't hate you. It's so hard when we clearly love each other so much... why can't you let your guard down and let me back in? We can grow from this and never look back. This could be our chance to start over.... 
I can't imagine a life without you.
We are best friends.
I love you.
You are a part of me.
Please, I can't say goodbye to you.

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